


How to Liven Up a Party, Gabe Style

by geekkitty (braezenkitty)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cards Against Humanity, Gabe is a dick, M/M, Other, cucumber!cas, fic against humanity, veggie porn, you probably shouldn't read this if you like to eat cucumbers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:13:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6244738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braezenkitty/pseuds/geekkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas invite Sam and Gabe over for an evening of pizza, beer, and card games. When Gabe suggests they play Cards Against Humanity, none of them realize he may have an ulterior motive until it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Liven Up a Party, Gabe Style

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what this is. Unbeta'd, unedited, also I'm slightly drunk and wrote it in an hour and a half. So read at your own discretion.

Cas woke in the morning even more dazed and confused than usual, mostly owing to the fact that he was an angel and didn't sleep. But there was also the fact that he seemed to be laying on the kitchen counter. And he couldn't see. He attempted to sit up and rub his eyes, but he realized with a growing sense of panic that he didn't seem to have arms. He tried to wiggle into a sitting position but found the best he could do was roll back and forth a little bit.

Cas stilled and tried to contain his panic and try to figure out how he had gotten into this situation and what exactly the situation even was. He thought back to the night before. The last thing he remembered was walking Gabriel to the bunker door at the end of the evening. Dean had invited him and Sam over for beer and pizza, trying to make an effort to show his brother he was accepting of their relationship and they ended up playing a game called cards against humanity, which Cas still wasn't sure he understood completely. But Dean had laughed until he was flushed and tears streamed down his face, so Cas had enjoyed it for that reason. 

He remembered Gabe telling Sam he'd meet him in the car, and then saying Dean needed to learn to loosen up a little, and that Cas needed to broaden his horizons, and then he had laughed and slapped cas’ shoulder. Oddly, Cas didn't remember anything after that. Gabe must've pulled one of his tricks. Cas wondered if Dean was ok.

“Cas?” Dean called. That answered that question. He was at least more ok than Cas, because he still had a voice. And limbs, if the sound of socked feet padding along the concrete floor meant anything.

“Cas, where are you?” Dean's voice was getting closer, and Cas felt himself practically vibrating with the need to call out to him. Dean must've been so confused waking up in bed alone. They hadn't woken up without their limbs wrapped around each other in months, and Cas knew better than anyone now how insecure Dean was about Cas leaving him without notice. That had been the subject of their very first fight as a couple.

Cas heard Dean pad into the kitchen and fumble with the coffee maker across the room. “Could've at least started the coffee if you were gonna leave me in bed all alone,” he grumbled. Cas struggled to roll towards the sound of Dean’s voice. He needed to get Dean’s attention so he could fix this, whatever this situation was, and so Cas could fix the dejected tone he heard in Dean’s voice. He was going to kill Gabe if he ever got his limbs back.

Cas began rocking back and forth while he listened to Dean make coffee and wait for it to finish, grumbling about Cas letting him wake up horny and alone and without coffee under his breath the whole time. Cas managed to roll a few times but before he could get the hang of it (rolling around without the assistance of limbs was harder than it seemed), Dean had finished pouring his coffee and left the kitchen.

Cas used every bit of willpower he could muster and rolled himself as hard as he could. By the time he realized he had hit the edge of the kitchen counter, he was falling over and down to the ground. Thankfully, whatever form he was in was at least a little sturdy because he didn't disintegrate or splatter.

Twenty minutes later, Cas had managed to roll himself out of the kitchen and to the library where Dean and Cas usually spent their mornings together (when they weren't busy in bed) scanning the paper and news sites for possible cases while drinking their coffee. Cas wished he had eyes because watching Dean smile at him over his coffee mug, hair sleep-mussed and green eyes shining, was definitely on the list of Cas’s favorite sights. And he had seen a lot of beautiful sights in his millennia.

Cas continued his slow roll towards the sound of Dean rustling the newspaper until finally he hit something warm and solid. He hoped it was Dean’s foot.

“What the hell?” Cas felt himself wrapped in Dean’s fingers and lifted into the air. “A cucumber?”

Cas wanted to shout that it was him, he wasn't really a cucumber, but all he could do was sort of wiggle in Dean’s hand, which of course made Dean drop him with a startled cry.

“What the fuck?”

Cas just rolled back toward what he was pretty sure was Dean’s foot.

“Ok, I've seen some weird shit, but a cucumber that can move on it’s own? What the hell, man...” Dean trailed off and Cas bumped his foot again. “Are you—no, this is fucking crazy, I'm not gonna talk to a damn vegetable.”

Cas rolled into Dean’s foot harder.

“It's finally happened. I'm losing my goddamn mind.”

If Cas had eyes he would roll them, but since he didn't he just rolled himself into Dean’s foot again. Maybe if he was persistent Dean would pick him up again and figure this out.

“Jesus fucking Christ, this is so not ok,” Dean mumbled, and Cas could imagine how he must be rubbing his hands over his face to try and dispel the sight in front of him. “Ok, I'm probably just dreaming, right? So if I pick you up and talk to you, it doesn't mean I'm crazy. Because you can't be crazy if you just do weird stuff in dreams. So just... Hold still, no wiggling this time.”

Cas held still and felt Dean’s strong fingers wrap around him again. He felt himself lifted into the air and set on the table.

“Ok, now I'm gonna ask you some questions. God this is stupid.”

Cas rolled back and forth rapidly, trying to convey how not stupid this was. He needed Dean to talk to him so they could figure this out.

“Ok ok. So... You can obviously understand me. Were you always a cucumber? Or did some jerkwad hit you with a nasty spell or something? Shit, you can't talk... So just the first question, roll for yes, stay still for no.”

Cas froze, keeping as still as possible.

“So you were not always a cucumber. Did someone turn you into one?”

Cas rolled back and forth vigorously.

“Hah, yes!” Dean exclaimed, “I mean, not that that's a good thing, I'm just excited because we communicated. I just talked to a cucumber and it talked back!”

Dean was silent for a moment and Cas waited impatiently for the next question.

“This is so ridiculous. So are you someone I know?”

Cas rolled back and forth again, willing Dean to figure this out quicker.

“Ok, so I know you... Were we close? Are we family?”

Cas rolled across the table in front of Dean, and if he had lips he would've been smiling in relief. 

“Shit, ok.” Cas heard Dean take a breath and let it out in a groan. “Oh god dammit. Cas? Is that you?”

Cas rolled vigorously, practically vibrating with excitement, and felt himself melt with relief when Dean’s hands wrapped around him.

“Damn it Cas, this was your brother wasn't it? I knew that asshole had something planned when I found the Cards Against Humanity combo he left sitting out on the table for me to find this morning. ‘What never fails to liven up the party?’ and ‘Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.’ Fucking dick.”

Cas just let Dean hold him, secure in the knowledge that Dean would find Gabe and make the dick with wings fix this. He couldn't help noticing how good it felt to be wrapped up in Dean’s hands though. Dean kept him cradled against his chest, and Cas felt the rise and fall of Dean’s chest with each breath. He loved being pressed against Dean’s chest and so lost himself in the feeling after a moment that he pretty much forgot about his predicament and felt his cool cucumber flesh begin to warm. Dean was absently stroking a finger across Cas’ smooth flesh and despite being a cucumber, Cas felt himself beginning to respond.

“Um... Cas? You ok? You're starting to um, swell? I think?” Dean sounded uncertain, but Cas noticed his finger didn't stop stroking. He wiggled in Dean’s hands gently, hoping that conveyed that he was ok but that Dean also shouldn't stop what he was doing. Dean laughed, and the sound vibrated through his chest and into Cas’ flesh, and yeah, he definitely felt himself swelling now.

A thought occurred to him. They didn't have to call Gabe right away. Dean would take care of him until they could get Gabe here to reverse this, and Cas could take care of Dean. He wondered if he was larger in cucumber form than he was when erect in his normal vessel.

Dean must've been wondering the same thing because Cas felt the stroking increase from just a finger to a whole hand, fingers wrapping around the girth of Cas’ body.

“Um, Cas? I'm uh... gonna ask you something, but you can totally say no, it's not a big deal and I won't do anything if you're not comfortable, but um... wanna fool around a little before we call for help?”

If Cas had lungs to laugh, he would. Somehow he and Dean were always on the same level, at least since they'd stopped denying and repressing their feelings for each other, whether either of them could speak or not. Cas rolled in Dean’s palm, as sensuously as a celestial wavelength of intent stuck in the form of a cucumber could manage. Dean seemed to understand and stood up, carrying Cas away from the table and to their bedroom.

****

+

A short while later, Cas changed back to his normal form quite unexpectedly. He had been almost completely ensconced in Dean’s body, and was really enjoying the way Dean’s moans seemed to reverberate throughout Cas’ entire being in a way he had never experienced before, when suddenly he was back in his human form. His cock was buried in Dean’s ass, and the shock of the change combined with the different sensations pushed him over the edge and had him screaming Dean’s name as he was finally able to grip the freckled hips above him.

“Oh, my—Cas? Wha—” Dean’s words broke off into a moan as Cas pounded mercilessly against the bundle of nerves inside of Dean and drew out his own orgasm.

They held each other through the aftershocks, neither moving or speaking until a chime from the bedstand next to them sounded. Dean disentangled himself and reached for his phone. 

“It’s a text from Gabe.” He held it up between them so Cas could see the message.

 **Gabe 10:45am:** _So, did that liven up the party?_

**Author's Note:**

> [SPN Coldest Hits](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/) is the greatest fic competition ever. I'm gonna go have a salad for dinner now.


End file.
